


i’ll hold your umbrella through the storms (baby, lean on me)

by jjokkiri



Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Neighbors, Post-Break Up, Wooseok is A Sad Boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:22:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22307875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjokkiri/pseuds/jjokkiri
Summary: When everything fell apart, the pain of heartbreak pierced like a spear through the heart. It left fragments.And for Wooseok, there was someone there kind enough to clean up the mess.
Relationships: Han Seungwoo/Kim Wooseok | Wooshin, Kim Wooseok | Wooshin/Kim Yohan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	i’ll hold your umbrella through the storms (baby, lean on me)

**Author's Note:**

> written in response to a prompt via curiouscat: _“wooseok loves too deeply, but too shallowly at the same time.”_
> 
> title inspired by X1's _like always._

Counting across several love stories, all which have fallen apart since they began, a line could be drawn right through the patterns in the way Kim Wooseok loved—a straight line treading right through the center of each plotted love story. He was sincere when he loved. He didn’t believe in love with half a heart. So, when everything fell apart, the pain of heartbreak pierced like a spear through the heart. It left fragments.

For Kim Wooseok, he learned the hard way that his loving heart was a fault. 

But whether it was an innate fault or something he could repair with his kindness, Wooseok loved deeply whenever the chance came to him. He loved with everything that was left from his broken heart. With everything he had, Wooseok dedicated his affections to those who gave him the chance. 

But, at a superficial level, maybe what was left of a broken heart wasn’t enough.

Looking back on every love story he starred in, he could pinpoint lovers from his past who wanted more than what was left of his broken heart. And it was too unfortunate that he couldn’t give it to them. 

_You don’t love me._ He heard it often. It hurt the most because he always thought that he put everything into loving someone. And it didn’t make sense in his mind that he wasn’t enough when he couldn’t give any more than he did. At some point in the timeline that traced out all of his love stories, it became more reassuring to hear the quiet whisper, _I don’t think we’re right for one another._

He gave a part of himself to everyone who wanted it; a small piece of his heart along with a promise to love. He handed a fragment of his heart to everyone who asked. But at some point when someone wanted more than just a tiny piece of his heart, he didn’t have enough for them. And they broke him for it.

Perhaps it was a flaw in itself, his willingness to give away parts of himself in exchange for temporary love. 

Perhaps it was all an excuse to cover up for something he didn’t have. Something he longed for.

Perhaps, no matter how much he denied it, there was truth in the way his past loves turned away from him with hateful eyes and harsh whispers, _You’re still in love with someone else._

The truth was bitter; he was still longing for the warmth of arms that didn’t want to hold him anymore. The bitter truth was that everyone he threw fragments of his heart at was a hopeless rebound for a love that wouldn’t return to him.

And whenever he was left alone for too long, he fell back into the thoughts about a past love that didn’t exist anymore. He fell back into craving something that didn’t want him anymore. Because no matter how hard he tried to erase the thoughts from his mind, there were little reminders scattered everywhere.

Opening a new chapter of a book didn’t erase everything that was previously written. Pieces of Han Seungwoo still showed up in his life. White roses still made him think of their first anniversary.

Some nights were harder than others. Some nights, he curled into bed alone and he missed the warmth of strong arms wrapped around his waist. He missed the way that Seungwoo pressed their foreheads together and smiled at him whenever he was proud of anything he did. 

Some nights, he cried into his pillow when he missed Seungwoo too much. Tonight was one of those nights.

There was a knock at the door of his apartment.

Swallowing his self-pity, Wooseok gathered himself from his bed and trudged to the door with his blanket wrapped tightly around his body. The soft edge of the blanket covered his head, prepared to cover his face if there was someone at the door who would notice the way his eyes were ringed red with remnants from tears.

He glanced at the clock mounted on the wall. _11:50 p.m._

He wasn’t expecting any visitors at this hour. 

It was late and there were few people who bothered to come to see him at his apartment. 

There were few people he held close, there were few people who knew about the pain he carried in his heart. He covered it up too well, never wanting to be a burden to the people around him. 

He kept his friends at a distance. And it was fair: they rarely seemed to notice the dying light in his eyes whenever he recklessly threw himself into relationships—fragile relationships that stemmed from one-night stands—and introduced his temporary infatuation to his friends as the love of his life. (They barely noticed when he lied through his teeth because they really thought that there was someone who could replace Han Seungwoo in his heart.)

He opened the door. 

A familiar face greeted him behind the door. His neighbour, Yohan, offered him a fragile smile.

In retrospect, Wooseok should have expected it. 

He should have expected that opening the front door would reveal Yohan. His neighbour was always kind and gentle. 

Kim Yohan was a university student who lived in the corner apartment beside Wooseok’s. They met one another on the day that Yohan moved into the building as a freshman. At that time, Wooseok still had Seungwoo in his life. At that time, Seungwoo helped Yohan move his furniture into the apartment beside Wooseok’s. That was three years ago.

Yohan raised his hand to reveal a plastic bag with two pints of ice cream in it. _Vanilla and mint chocolate._

“Hi, hyung,” Yohan greeted, the smile on his lips dimming a little when he registered Wooseok’s appearance. Yohan cleared his throat and continued, “I just got back from class. I stopped by the convenience store on my way back and got some ice cream. I figured you would get mad at me if I had ice cream without you, again.”

There was a beat of silence.

Looking into Yohan’s eyes, Wooseok knew that he was lying. Wooseok knew what Yohan really wanted to say. He knew Yohan was resisting the urge to say, _The walls are so thin, I heard you crying and I wanted to check up on you._

He heard Yohan return to his apartment hours ago. Yohan didn’t have late classes on Fridays. He must have forgotten that Wooseok knew his schedule well. After three years of living next to one another, Wooseok memorized Yohan’s schedules well. The walls were thin and he heard him coming home every day. But the gesture warmed his heart.

_Little white lies didn’t hurt anyone._

Wooseok stepped out of the doorway with a small smile on his lips. They both pretended that his eyes weren’t ringed with redness. Wooseok cleared his throat and gestured for Yohan to step in.

“Come in,” he murmured. “The vanilla one better be for me.”

The smile on Yohan’s lips felt warmer. Almost immediately, it felt less forced. “It is.”

Yohan stepped into the apartment and handed Wooseok the plastic bag. Wooseok took it from him. Yohan kicked his shoes off and carefully placed them on the shoe rack to his left. Then, he was smiling at Wooseok again, sheepishly.

“And um, hyung, I actually forgot to grab some spoons.”

Wooseok rolled his eyes at the younger man. 

“You’re so useless,” he said. He took the bag with him as he moved to the kitchen to rummage through his drawers for two spoons. Without looking back at Yohan, he snorted in amusement at the realization that Yohan’s only intent of coming over to his apartment was to eat ice cream and he came unprepared. “How did you forget spoons?”

Yohan shrugged, “I was busy thinking about what you liked. I totally forgot.”

Yohan laughed quietly. He threw himself onto the sofa and made himself comfortable. The younger man picked up the remote controller and turned on the television. He settled on opening Netflix after a moment. 

Wooseok watched him. 

“I like the most basic flavour and you forget?”

Yohan shrugged his shoulders, “You’re always changing. But I guess vanilla is your always, right?”

There was a note of sadness laced with Yohan’s tone. They avoided the implications of Yohan’s words. 

Wooseok dropped onto the sofa next to his neighbour with a soft sigh.

“I guess it is,” he replied. “I like it the most.”

Wordlessly, Yohan scooted closer to Wooseok. 

He wrapped an arm around the older man’s waist and curled up against his side. Instinctively, Wooseok leaned against him. With a small smile on his lips, Yohan brushed off the building tension of sadness in the air.

“I know what else you like,” he declared. He turned his attention back to the television with his chin rested against Wooseok’s shoulder, “You like watching reruns of trashy reality shows while eating ice cream.”

Wooseok’s lips curved into a small smile. He glanced at Yohan, “Do I?”

Yohan nodded his head.

“Yeah,” he answered after a moment of hesitation, a moment of thought. “You do. You’re always laughing when you do it with me.” A pause. “And I like it when you laugh. You’re prettier when you’re smiling.”

The silent plea, _Hyung, you can rely on me,_ wasn’t ever spoken aloud but Wooseok could see it in the way Yohan’s eyes glimmered with an unspoken feeling, an unreadable emotion. Wooseok’s heart twinged.

He brushed off the feeling and gently pushed Yohan with a roll of his eyes.

“How long do you plan on staying here?”

Yohan turned to look at him with an impish smile. The younger man tightened his grip around Wooseok as their show began playing on the television. He buried his face into Wooseok’s shoulder. Wooseok could feel the way he smiled against his skin. 

Yohan’s voice was soft. 

“I’m never leaving.”

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/yuseokki) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/jjokkiri) ♡


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